For the first time... again.
This time there was no candle light. No Indian food. There was no forgetting the towel.
There was a sick baby fitfully (and fortunately) sleeping in her carseat in the next room. Mexican food gobbled while awaiting the handoff. There was a reversal of roles.
CD 1 was on the New Moon. After a full 28 day cycle that ended on the dark of the moon. A full 28 day cycle that followed more than a year of cycles so erratic that when we spoke of my turn I laughed bitterly at the thought that it could work for me without more intervention than I'd want. But the month after we decide to try in April suddenly my cycle evens out and, more than that, aligns with the moon. If my body continues this way I'll ovulate on the full moon. Or shortly before. I could conceive on the full moon. The Wind Moon. The Seed Moon.
from my Witch's Calendar:
I am still ambivalent. I have worries and fears about being prepared. About being able to support, financially, another child. And I will need to keep this under wraps for work since I'm a contract worker. I'm tall, and already heavy, so most people won't notice anything. They might think I'm getting fatter, but most shouldn't think pregnancy. This blog is my "mess up working with templates and photos blog" never intended to be a TTC blog. Hence the title. I don't consider this a trial or a tribulation. As soon as I can be open with the news (either because they've renewed my contract and so my pregnancy or TTC can't affect my job status, or because I've found a permanent position somewhere) this will all appear on Accident. Or I could just realize that I'm being paranoid and that its ridiculous to think that just because I've blogged under my real name that doesn't mean personnel people in DC will find out and not renew my contract because I'll be gone for 12 weeks on FMLA when the baby comes... and stick it all on Accident next week.
Like I said, I'm ambivalent. And yet, both Kristin and I feel that there's another child-spirit hanging around us, waiting for us to get in gear and let it in... and how can you say "no" to that? How can you say "wait" to that? How can you say "I'm not ready" to that? It's right there. Watching us. Asking us. And Kristin and I both believe very strongly that when the divine knocks on your door, you need to answer no matter how afraid you are. You never grow if you let fear guide you.
And besides, we may not get pregnant right away.
Because of the job issues, and because of many other issues, I wasn't going to say anything about this at all. But I decided that those people who have been following my story, who have supported me when I'm down and celebrated with me when I'm happy, deserve not to be blindsided if I can help it. And announcing a pregnancy when no one knew I was TTC would be a big old MAC truck.
So. Now you know.
We inseminated last night. Will do it again as many times as we can until I ovulate.
And you know what? I didn't freak out about the semen being inside me. I had a bad moment when I breathed in deep and I felt a bubbling down there, but I got my emotions under control and focused on welcoming the waiting child into me.
It may work, it may not.
I'll keep you posted.
*A baby concieved under this moon would most likely be a Capricorn. So I think it's interesting that the word capricious was used to describe this fertile wind of change and growth and possibility.
There was a sick baby fitfully (and fortunately) sleeping in her carseat in the next room. Mexican food gobbled while awaiting the handoff. There was a reversal of roles.
CD 1 was on the New Moon. After a full 28 day cycle that ended on the dark of the moon. A full 28 day cycle that followed more than a year of cycles so erratic that when we spoke of my turn I laughed bitterly at the thought that it could work for me without more intervention than I'd want. But the month after we decide to try in April suddenly my cycle evens out and, more than that, aligns with the moon. If my body continues this way I'll ovulate on the full moon. Or shortly before. I could conceive on the full moon. The Wind Moon. The Seed Moon.
from my Witch's Calendar:
The Wind Moon of April is Moon-drenched ritual foreplay. Capricious* spring winds dance their fertility rite, scattering seeds that root miles from their birthplaces. With the randy sabbat of Beltane close on our heels, we easily imagine the young God and Goddess awakening to the power and excitement of their impending divine marraige -- a sexual union allwoing life to flourish for another year.
We cannot deny the innate attraction of two halves of a whole finding and uniting with one another. We are cast in the image of our deities, and under the Wind Moon we find ourselves in tune with the newborn Earth and awaken
with her to the many things we can create when we meet our other half.
I am still ambivalent. I have worries and fears about being prepared. About being able to support, financially, another child. And I will need to keep this under wraps for work since I'm a contract worker. I'm tall, and already heavy, so most people won't notice anything. They might think I'm getting fatter, but most shouldn't think pregnancy. This blog is my "mess up working with templates and photos blog" never intended to be a TTC blog. Hence the title. I don't consider this a trial or a tribulation. As soon as I can be open with the news (either because they've renewed my contract and so my pregnancy or TTC can't affect my job status, or because I've found a permanent position somewhere) this will all appear on Accident. Or I could just realize that I'm being paranoid and that its ridiculous to think that just because I've blogged under my real name that doesn't mean personnel people in DC will find out and not renew my contract because I'll be gone for 12 weeks on FMLA when the baby comes... and stick it all on Accident next week.
Like I said, I'm ambivalent. And yet, both Kristin and I feel that there's another child-spirit hanging around us, waiting for us to get in gear and let it in... and how can you say "no" to that? How can you say "wait" to that? How can you say "I'm not ready" to that? It's right there. Watching us. Asking us. And Kristin and I both believe very strongly that when the divine knocks on your door, you need to answer no matter how afraid you are. You never grow if you let fear guide you.
And besides, we may not get pregnant right away.
Because of the job issues, and because of many other issues, I wasn't going to say anything about this at all. But I decided that those people who have been following my story, who have supported me when I'm down and celebrated with me when I'm happy, deserve not to be blindsided if I can help it. And announcing a pregnancy when no one knew I was TTC would be a big old MAC truck.
So. Now you know.
We inseminated last night. Will do it again as many times as we can until I ovulate.
And you know what? I didn't freak out about the semen being inside me. I had a bad moment when I breathed in deep and I felt a bubbling down there, but I got my emotions under control and focused on welcoming the waiting child into me.
It may work, it may not.
I'll keep you posted.
*A baby concieved under this moon would most likely be a Capricorn. So I think it's interesting that the word capricious was used to describe this fertile wind of change and growth and possibility.
posted by Trista at 10:57 AM
13 Comments:
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!
I am SO GLAD that you inseminated! YES!! I'm still sad you haven't ovulated yet, but that's okay. You've got the juice on hand.
This is right for your family. Maybe not for every family, but I think this is the right choice for you. I am sooooooo excited. Such wonderful wonderful news. Eek!!
We are here for you 100% and are rooting for you!
I know you have concerns and all, but I know you will be able to work through them. And I don't think it'll take as long as Julia did. Like you said, that kid is banging on the door with a big ole' brass walking stick and wondering why the hell you're taking so long.
And if you get canned, you are entitled to federal COBRA. So fuck them.
But, um, don't fuck them too soon.
And you can change the URL and the name of the blog without losing anything in it or the settings.
How EXCITING! I had a feeling that's what you'd say you're full of.
I know that everything will work out the way it's supposed to in the end, but in the meantime, I hope everything works out the way you're hoping it will work out. (Does that even make any sense? It does in my head. I swear.)
You know, I think this is the first thing to make me smile ALL DAY. Go you!
In all honesty, I also guessed that this is what you were full of, though once I started to click and read I suddenly became very worried that you were going to be already pregnant, and like you said (selfish as hell but true) that was going to be a great big Mac truck. So thank you so, so much for trusting us with this now. I wish you sooooo much quick success. Yay!
Yay!! So exciting!
WOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
I also had a "gut" feeling that this was the news. I am so glad it is.
& for very selfish reasons I like hearing about what a fab fertile time this weekend is.
Let's just plan on both getting knocked up & our kids can be moon siblings.
ok, was that just way too granola?
I'm so giddy & excited about this!!!!!!!
I knew it!
This feels right. I know I don't know you that well, certainly not well enough to presume ANYthing about what might be right for your life, but ... this feels right. It just does. And the stuff from the Witch's Calendar? YOW.
Spring is in the air in more ways than one. :) Wishing you many blessings as you step into this process...
I am so happy that you are doing this. I remember all of your fears and doubt around this. When we conceived LM S. had just lost her job, her car broke down and we were not sure how we were going to pay our mortgage. Hah! And it was the best decision we ever made. I can't wait to hear all about your process.
I THOUGHT you were Preggers, but I didn't want to say anything on the other blog - just in case.
MAZAL TOV!
I'm very glad!! I was expecting you to be expecting, and here's hoping you are soon!
I knew this had something to do with getting knocked up! :o) Hey, maybe we'll be pregnant together. Wouldn't that just seal our sisterly bond!?
Oooo...how exciting, even despite all the concerns, etc. Thanks so much for sharing, as all of you who've "gone before me" are such an inspiration. (Hmm...so, it sounds like I'm referring to dead people. NOT dead people, just spermmed-up ladies.)
Excellent news Trista!
good luck!
so....um...when will you be testing?
Post a Comment
<< Home