30 and counting

Am I on Clomid? Weeeeelllll, in order to be on clomid one has to be bleeding first. Yes, folks, that's right. I, the girl whos cycles have been hanging out around 15-20 days for the last year or longer, and who only had 1 cycle of 28 days in length in even longer than that, am sitting here on CD30. Too bad my last cycle hadn't been this long. No, my last cycle was much shorter. *sigh* We can't do anything until I start to bleed. So, we're waiting. I'll give it another 5 days and then call the doctor and see what she wants to do. It just feels strange.

But, other than the fact that I am impatient by nature, it IS ok. I've got a lot of thoughts swirling around my head right now. Thoughts about being too fat, too selfish, too neurotic, too financially unstable, too depressed, too stagnant,
too too too... you know, all the stuff we agonized over before having Julia. I would've thought that I would be done with all this ambivalence by now, but I'm not. It's stirring the pot again, and such things always make me nervous. So, I'll just sit here and contemplate the wacky designs in the cauldron. From a pagan perspective, it's a perfect thing to be doing while willing yourself to bleed.