web searches = bad
Ok, so I called my doctor about the bleeding. Not an RE, btw, because all the REs here all work for the same clinic and that's not a good place for lesbians. So just a regular doctor. Actually, a nurse practitioner. Under an AMAZING doctor. So I'm not worried about care.
Anyway, so I called her. And left a message. And she didn't call me back. She didn't call me back all afternoon. So I let my fingers do the walking. Do you know what non-stop bleeding on Clomid could mean?
Cancer.
Yup. Uterine Cancer.
Well, it could also mean a lot of things. Like polyps. Like endometriosis. Like a hormonal imbalance.
But of course I focused on the cancer. Especially since when we were in Portland I had this really vivid dream where this woman was sending me contraband prescription drugs. And in the dream I could see the packages of the drugs, and the name was clear. Very clear. So clear that when I got up the next morning the word was still running around and around my head. I wasn't sure what it was, so I did a google search. And, though I can't remember it now, it is a very powerful painkiller prescribed to patients with cancer.
I was a little freaked out. I mean, that's pretty strange, right? A drug so rare, and so specialized that I didn't recognize it (and now can't remember it) that is associated with cancer treatment and I had a dream about it (have I ever mentioned that I have a track record of prophetic dreams?). At the time I was freaked out about colon cancer. See, everyone in my family has colon cancer. Mostly. My mother is the only one of all her siblings never to have cancerous polyps. So I'm at a high risk to develop colon cancer. And while we were in Portland, one of N's friends called to tell her that another friend had just died. Of colon cancer. At 33.
But now I have another cancer to worry about. The doctor called me back, but I missed her call. She was on her way out (of course) but wants me to call her tomorrow. She says the bleeding's worrisome.
Now, do I REALLY think I have cancer? No. I don't. I'm just overdramatic with an active (and morbid) fantasy life. But I do think that this cycle's DBA -- Dead Before Arrival. And that totally sucks ass.
Anyway, so I called her. And left a message. And she didn't call me back. She didn't call me back all afternoon. So I let my fingers do the walking. Do you know what non-stop bleeding on Clomid could mean?
Cancer.
Yup. Uterine Cancer.
Well, it could also mean a lot of things. Like polyps. Like endometriosis. Like a hormonal imbalance.
But of course I focused on the cancer. Especially since when we were in Portland I had this really vivid dream where this woman was sending me contraband prescription drugs. And in the dream I could see the packages of the drugs, and the name was clear. Very clear. So clear that when I got up the next morning the word was still running around and around my head. I wasn't sure what it was, so I did a google search. And, though I can't remember it now, it is a very powerful painkiller prescribed to patients with cancer.
I was a little freaked out. I mean, that's pretty strange, right? A drug so rare, and so specialized that I didn't recognize it (and now can't remember it) that is associated with cancer treatment and I had a dream about it (have I ever mentioned that I have a track record of prophetic dreams?). At the time I was freaked out about colon cancer. See, everyone in my family has colon cancer. Mostly. My mother is the only one of all her siblings never to have cancerous polyps. So I'm at a high risk to develop colon cancer. And while we were in Portland, one of N's friends called to tell her that another friend had just died. Of colon cancer. At 33.
But now I have another cancer to worry about. The doctor called me back, but I missed her call. She was on her way out (of course) but wants me to call her tomorrow. She says the bleeding's worrisome.
Now, do I REALLY think I have cancer? No. I don't. I'm just overdramatic with an active (and morbid) fantasy life. But I do think that this cycle's DBA -- Dead Before Arrival. And that totally sucks ass.
posted by Trista at 1:35 PM
4 Comments:
Trista,
You know, I was hoping to see less trials & tribulations here! Here's hoping everything turns out okay. Please be sure to keep us posted after you find out more from the doctor. I'm keeping you in my prayers.
I know. Maybe titling that was a self-fulfilling prophecy? Maybe I should have named it The Completely Rapid Conception and Completely Uneventful Pregnancy of Trista.
I didn't know this blog was going to be about TTC until it was. Before that it was just the place I tried out new templates and photographs.
Sigh.
fuck. I hate that you have to wait to connect with the doctor. I am hoping that it is just something easily diagnosed and corrected.
((hugs))
Blah. Sorry to hear this cycle is DBA. That sucks so much. Polyps really aren't that bad, I had a whole bunch of them removed by Dr. P. It was the one good thing he did for me. LOL.
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