Things I am proud of myself for...
1) I pulled the kenwood stereo out of my toyota (that I'm selling) and put the crap-ass bottom-budget cd player from Kristin's car in it. And when the installer-dude put the kenwood in Kristin's car (Mazda's are weird about their stereos -- it needed some tools I didn't have) it still WORKED. And then I re-wired the Mazda's stereo and stuck it in the tercel and IT WORKED, TOO!!
2) I deep-cleaned all our floor's surfaces for the third Saturday in a row. Now that Julia's crawling the filth on our floor is apparent and disgusting. I'm proud of myself because it's so easy on a lazy Saturday morning to just ignore the dust-bunnies clinging to Julia's knees and butt and lie on the couch reading a book. But NO! I GOT UP! and CLEANED!
3) At my doctor's appointment this morning I took a deep breath and looked her in the eye and told her that I think my ovaries are dead dead dead and that I wanted a mid-cycle scan to see what they're up to and possibly a trigger shot. And she agreed to schedule the scan. And they're going to try to bill it under irregular periods (cause mine are) and so maybe my insurance will pay for it. My wand-cherry will be popped a week from Wednesday and we're hoping that it will show at least one follicle ready to explode into a baby on Thursday.
4) I've agreed to let Kristin check the state of my cervix every day leading up to ovulation. We're going to start relying on more signs of ovulation than just the opks. I'm having faith that even though I have NEVER had any signs of ovulation before that this month there will begin to be some. Maybe my lack of faith has kept my body from ovulating.
5) I've finally worked through the lingering remnants of ambivalence about getting pregnant. I want to get pregnant with everything inside me now. No more doubts. No more fear. Even though I KNEW that I hadn't ovulated, when I took that pregnancy test and it was negative I was so devastated. I surprised myself. My disappointment was so tangible. So choking. Even the first month before we realized that I wasn't ovulating and I was convinced I was pregnant wasn't this disappointing. In fact, there was a part of me that was relieved that I wasn't pregnant. Not anymore. I took two more epts over the weekend just to see if I could have been wrong. I just felt wrong that I wasn't pregnant. Even though I KNOW that there was no way I could have been this month.
So, in celebration of what I'm proud of myself for, and in consolation for what I am not this month, I did the following things:
1) put together a luscious salad at our grocery store's new gourmet salad bar. And I didn't get blue cheese dressing, but rather a little balsamic vinaigrette and olive oil drizzled on the top.
2) Bought myself a nanaimo bar. I looooooooooooooooove nanaimo bars. So yummy. Google it.
3) Bought a totally unnecessary, completely trashy novel to read on the train.
Yay! Here's to keeping sane and happy on the crazy pills!
2) I deep-cleaned all our floor's surfaces for the third Saturday in a row. Now that Julia's crawling the filth on our floor is apparent and disgusting. I'm proud of myself because it's so easy on a lazy Saturday morning to just ignore the dust-bunnies clinging to Julia's knees and butt and lie on the couch reading a book. But NO! I GOT UP! and CLEANED!
3) At my doctor's appointment this morning I took a deep breath and looked her in the eye and told her that I think my ovaries are dead dead dead and that I wanted a mid-cycle scan to see what they're up to and possibly a trigger shot. And she agreed to schedule the scan. And they're going to try to bill it under irregular periods (cause mine are) and so maybe my insurance will pay for it. My wand-cherry will be popped a week from Wednesday and we're hoping that it will show at least one follicle ready to explode into a baby on Thursday.
4) I've agreed to let Kristin check the state of my cervix every day leading up to ovulation. We're going to start relying on more signs of ovulation than just the opks. I'm having faith that even though I have NEVER had any signs of ovulation before that this month there will begin to be some. Maybe my lack of faith has kept my body from ovulating.
5) I've finally worked through the lingering remnants of ambivalence about getting pregnant. I want to get pregnant with everything inside me now. No more doubts. No more fear. Even though I KNEW that I hadn't ovulated, when I took that pregnancy test and it was negative I was so devastated. I surprised myself. My disappointment was so tangible. So choking. Even the first month before we realized that I wasn't ovulating and I was convinced I was pregnant wasn't this disappointing. In fact, there was a part of me that was relieved that I wasn't pregnant. Not anymore. I took two more epts over the weekend just to see if I could have been wrong. I just felt wrong that I wasn't pregnant. Even though I KNOW that there was no way I could have been this month.
So, in celebration of what I'm proud of myself for, and in consolation for what I am not this month, I did the following things:
1) put together a luscious salad at our grocery store's new gourmet salad bar. And I didn't get blue cheese dressing, but rather a little balsamic vinaigrette and olive oil drizzled on the top.
2) Bought myself a nanaimo bar. I looooooooooooooooove nanaimo bars. So yummy. Google it.
3) Bought a totally unnecessary, completely trashy novel to read on the train.
Yay! Here's to keeping sane and happy on the crazy pills!
posted by Trista at 1:08 PM
7 Comments:
Hey, good for you for doing something nice for yourself! And lots of things to be proud of!
I definitely think you need to do more than OPKs. AJ NEVER, not ONCE, got a positive OPK. NEVER. Nor did she EVER get anything above 'low' on the monitor. Never. So.... maybe you're the same way. Do other things!
Enjoy your wanding!
KICK ASS about speaking up at the RE's office.
This is such a great, positive list - woo hoo!
One of the very few things I remember fondly about the "dreaded Canadian X" was the fact that she introduced me to nanaimo bars.
I may have to make some. Now. Damn. I wish I could eat sugar.
Nanaimo bars are SO GOOD. That salad sounds almost as good to me, esp. with balsamic dressing.
I think the ultrasound is a good idea. Knowledge is power.
We knew we were ready for a baby when we dropped too much money on a premium vacuum cleaner and realized how dirty our floors had been. Hooray for deep cleaning.
BFNs are devastating. There's no way around it. Sometimes they hurt more, sometimes they hurt less, but they always hurt.
Hang in there.
I'm with you now on this journey from Accident of Hope! Keeping my fingers crossed for you and your family!!
You sound good. I want salad. Off to google your odd bars.
You rock. Also, I am happy you are so direct with your doc. I'm glad you now know how badly you want it...it will give you the faith and determination necessary to make it happen.
Post a Comment
<< Home