Aaaaaaaaand... it continues

This morning Kristin made me pee on a stick. I didn't want to. It's too depressing to see the big fat nothing there. Especially after all the ovulation pee stick I've peed on that were disappointing in their blank white emptiness all during the week that I was supposed to ovulate.

So, yeah, it's CD27 today. Still no period, but some spotting a few days ago. Scant spotting. Kristin's convinced it was implantation spotting. But to implant you have to have an egg. She's not convinced that I didn't ovulate. After all, she reasons, even though when she stuck her hand up me my cervix was hard and dry as a mud puddle under an equatorial sun, it WAS open. So, she reasons, the sperm could have gotten in...

"And met what," I said, "the omlette I ate for breakfast? Or did they spontaneously fertilize themselves? Or perhaps one of my fallopian cells decided to rise to the occasion and pinch-hit for the ovaries?"

Still, she was adamant. So I held my pee all night and released it on the sure-to-disappoint stick. It was no surprise to me when the control line turned dark and strong -- next to a pristine whiteness where the test line should be. I left the stick on the bathroom shelf and went to finish getting dressed for work.

10 minutes or so later Kristin is excited in the bathroom. "I think you're pregnant! I knew it!" "I'm not pregnant." I replied and I continued staring blankly in my closet for something to jump out and scream, "I'm clean, I'm flattering, I'll make you look FABULOUS!" Nothing volunteered for the hazard duty of clothing me, so I ruthlessly dragged something out of the closet as Kristin came in the bedroom holding a stick soaked with my pee.

"Look!"
"Where?"
"There. See that very, very faint line?"
"There's nothing there."
"Yes, yes there is. Look closer."
"If I have to look that close then there's nothing there."
"You haven't even missed your period yet. It would be faint if it were to show anything at all. Look closer."
I looked closer. Suddenly I could see just the faintest of faint lines. I might have been imagining it. I probably was."
"That's probably just a mark from where the chemical is. The chemical that would have reacted if I were pregnant. But now is just wet and reflecting light differently than the plain paper around it. It's nothing. "
"Well, I think you're pregnant."
"Kristin. Remember how when we were trying for Julia that month we swore we saw the faintest possible line and we even called my mom to tell her you were pregnant and you WEREN'T and later we found out that you didn't even ovulate that month? Sound familiar?"

I'm not pregnant. I refuse to let myself be fooled by hope and chemical lines. I refuse. I'm telling you only to demonstrate the evilness of pee sticks. And just in case Kristin is right. That off off off OFF chance that I could be pregnant. That I misread my body enough that I missed knowing about my ovulation entirely. That I really could be pregnant. Y'all'll know first.